What was V.I Warshawski doing? - My winning entry

She came to Britain after having an epiphany while talking to an ex lover and realising how injurious, insulting, anachronistic and indefensible a hereditary monarch as head of state is to every person there and in fact to every human on the planet. She became involved with groups campaigning for an elected head of state during which she dressed as Thomas Paine in a protest re-enactment of the French and American revolutions, where replica flintlocks turned out to have been primed by a monarchist agent provocateur, causing the 'Chick Lit' author Louise Bagshawe, a monarchist and prospective Tory candidate for Parliament, to lose a finger on her writing hand and try to sue the protest groups. V.I. still wakes up some mornings with the smell of gunpowder in her nostrils, something which always puts her in an exceedingly cheerful and optimistic frame of mind. Subsequent to the L Bag incident V.I. was abducted by two of the unwholesome parasites who surround the throne, the hands who rock the cradle of inbred stupidity and blood disorders, when she was locked in the boot of a car and driven to the north of Scotland to an unknown fate. However, she managed to loosen her bindings and as the car was driven through the gates of Balmoral she was able to attract the attention of protestors who were there demonstrating about the Queen refusing to open Buckingham Palace enough to cover its repairs. Two palace officals were charged with abduction and V.I. was put on a plane back to America. The story continues...